drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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