He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I want her autograph on my taint
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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