i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
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while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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