Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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