I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
