Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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