So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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