just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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