He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
