i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
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I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
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It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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