So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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