i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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