I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
