Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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