So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
