Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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