someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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