is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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