Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
