i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
