I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
