I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
