I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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