fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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