when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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