we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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