there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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