..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
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I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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