at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
