when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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