..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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