My friends, they love my intelligence
P.S. I can't hear my feet
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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