first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
