still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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