Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
