Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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