I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
