I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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