Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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