I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
