Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
