It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits