ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
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I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
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I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈