i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
that's an acceptable place to lick
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
