I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
