You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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