Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
