dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
