she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
