The maid of honor just puked.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
