he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
