did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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