Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you have to choose: penises or morals?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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