Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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