JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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