When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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