It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think people are normalizing furries
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
