if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
