I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
