What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
