I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
