OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
